Leaving the Moonlight
by Andboriel Swann
Summary: Remus says goodbye to Lily before she goes into hiding, not knowing it would be the last time he sees her alive. Part VII of the Moonlight series. Friendship!RemusLily
1. Chapter 1

Disclaimer: Harry Potter doesn't belong to me. If it did, why would I be writing this?

Author's Note: This is the "last" part of my Moonlight series. After this two-shot is complete, I plan on posting a much longer, multi-chaptered story. Once I finish that, I will continue with the final segment of this universe I've created. If you're unfamiliar with this series, I would like to emphasize that the relationship between Remus and Lily is strictly platonic, no romance!

In essence, this story is the Remus and Lily saying "good bye" before she goes into hiding. I plan on making this as tear-jerking as possible. We'll see how that works (I'm not sure it will); if it does, consider this your warning to have tissues on hand.

The Last Goodbye

Ragged newspapers littered the rundown apartment; they were the only evidence the weary man could show of his current task. Empty teacups were stacked precariously in the dripping sink. The only light reaching the room came from a crack in the bordered up windows. The apartment and its owner exuded misery.

It was nearly impossible for Remus to find a stable job with a decent salary to maintain his residence. The classified sections of muggle newspapers only offered minimum wage jobs, but they were all that the werewolf could hope for. His job at the bookshop was pleasant, but he knew it wasn't enough. Now, he had to find a second job if he wanted to eat three whole meals a day.

Shivering, Remus drew his tattered robe closer. In his mind, he imagined it was a friend holding him, chasing away his sadness, but that was the only comfort he had. The last full moon had passed without the aid of his friends. Faded and thin, the robe was full of memories as it had been a gift from the other marauders the year before everything started going downhill.

It was late August; his "nephew" Harry was finally a year old. He wished he had seen Harry recently, but the birthday party was the last time he had spent genuine quality time with his friends, his family. The family he had only seen in passing ever since dark werewolves had accosted him in Diagon Alley. James and Sirius misinterpreted the event to mean that Remus was the spy. His reminiscings were soon interrupted by a knock at the door.

Carefully, Remus opened the door, only to be enveloped in a one-armed hug and smothered by a mass of red hair and tears.

"Lily?" he gasped. It had been weeks since he had last seen her. Even then, it was during an Order meeting and James had hurriedly ushered her from the room; Remus had no chance to speak with her.

She drew back and Remus noticed that her other arm supported a small child with dark hair and bright eyes.

"Hello Harry," Remus cooed.

"He's missed you," Lily paused, "I've missed you."

"It's a full time job looking for a second job," Remus half-joked, looking at her, "how are James and Sirius doing?"

A dark look flashed in her eyes, "They are being absolute idiots,"

The anger vanished as she shifted her son and tickled him. Remus noticed that she held Harry like he might slip away any second.

Concerned, he asked, "What's wrong, Lily?"

Their eyes met, "Voldemort's after us," she said bluntly," we're going into hiding tonight."

"I knew you and James were targets, but isn't this sudden?"

Remus knew that Lily might be willing to risk her life and James' if Voldemort was only after them. They'd just send Harry somewhere safe, but if the entire family was going into hiding together…

"Voldemort's after Harry?" Remus asked incredulously, "Why? He's only a baby,"

Why would Voldemort want to kill an infant? True, Harry was the child of two of Voldemort's greatest threats. On their own, Lily and James had faced Voldemort and lived to tell the tale. Remus wasn't sure how many times; he only knew that they had gotten away enough times for Voldemort to consider them threats. But Harry?

"He's a sadist, for one," Lily gave a forced smile that only conveyed pain, "but there are so many other reasons that I wish I could tell you."

"They're probably secret for a good reason," Remus replied. In truth, he was curious, but he felt that the reason would only cause more fear than relief. After all, what logical reason would there be to kill an innocent child?

Harry gurgled, and pulled at Lily's long, red hair. Lily gently freed it from his small hands.

"The only damn reason I can't tell you is because James and Sirius think you're the spy," she huffed.

Remus started. He knew that his friends' trust in him had waned over the past few months, but he hadn't thought their friendship had disintegrated to the point of paranoia.

"What?"

"But I do, Remus," she continued, "If my opinion was the only one that mattered, I would have you as our secret keeper. Unfortunately, being married means compromises," Lily gave him a weak smile.

"Why?" Remus whispered, "How do you know you can trust me?"

"Stop gaping. Doesn't your Uncle Remus look like a fish with his mouth hanging open like that?" Lily murmured in Harry's ear. Harry responded with a giggle and waved his arms, once more trying to grab his mother's hair.

"You shouldn't curse around Harry," Remus teasingly scolded her, "you don't want him to add that to his limited vocabulary,"

"When did I curse?" her brows furrowed, "Oh! When I was complaining about James and Sirius. And you're right. Babies can see and hear more than we know. I just hope he'll only remember the good, and not the bad."

"Did something bad happen?"

Lily's arms tightened around Harry protectively, "No, not yet."

"Is something bad going to happen?"

"I don't know."

"Why does it seem like you're saying good bye?"

Remus wrapped his arms around himself, looking at the woman he considered his sister. The vibrant life in her eyes was not as innocent as it once was; instead her eyes showed a woman who had seen life's horrors and refused to give in.

Lily's voice faded, and her eyes shone with tears fighting for release, "I am. I don't think I'll ever see you again…"

"Don't say that, Lily."

"Remus, I can't promise you anything. I will try to survive, but if my life is the necessary sacrifice to save my son, so be it! It is a price I will gladly and willingly pay."

Remus knew he shouldn't have been surprised by her proclamation; he knew Lily was too stubborn to let anything get in her way. He should have known that would transfer into the protective determination of a mother, but the idea of losing one of his best friends scared him.

"Will you look out for Harry if the worst happens? I know that the ministry would never let you adopt him, but if your paths ever cross, will you help him?" Lily asked.

"If that happens, I'll keep an eye on him. But I bet you'll be doing that yourself." She'll also have the gray hairs to prove it. Remus almost chuckled at his mental picture of Lily scolding James for teaching Harry how to fly.

She interrupted his brief daydream, "I will always look after my son, even in death."

"You're not going to die, Lily."

"You don't know that. What will come will come. Nothing we do will change it."

Her hopeless remark was emphasized by the dripping faucet in the kitchen. To Remus, it was as if the sun had jumped past the shutters of his windows, leaving him in darkness. He had already lost James and Sirius' friendship, but they were still alive at least. Since he had first met Lily, she had been a constant companion, always ready with a shoulder to cry on. He couldn't imagine life without her.

Remus couldn't bear looking at her anymore. Even as he turned away, tears found their way out of his eyes as he drew a ragged breath. His eyes scanned everything in the room but her. They glanced over the faded blue sofa and the broken chairs, down to the splintered wood floor and his worn slippers with holes exposing his feet.

With the same regret mirrored in her eyes, Lily reached for Remus' face, forcing him to meet her gaze.

Amber met emerald. Neither looked away.

There were no more words they needed to say. There were no more words they could say. Lily knew she had to go into hiding. She had to protect her son. But now Remus knew she trusted him. He wouldn't feel abandoned. Remus wished there was more he could have done to spend time with her in the past months. He wished they could have done more as friends…

In reality, he knew they had done enough, but he wouldn't accept that they couldn't do more. The bond they shared had grown stronger every year with every shared experience, and every set of tears. So much had come from their friendship. He had found acceptance and advice. She had found a friend whose interests mirrored hers and would not hesitate to tease her without hurting her.

Remus drew her into a final hug as she turned to leave. Harry squealed as he was smushed between the two friends. Tenderly, Remus kissed Lily's forehead, then Harry's.

"Good bye Lily. Bye Harry," he said, releasing them.

Identical pairs of bright green eyes looked back at him.

"Bye Unka Wemus" Harry cooed in his baby-speak.

"Farewell, dearest brother," Lily responded, kissing Remus' cheek before leaving with Harry safely in her arms. She looked over her shoulder as she passed the door's threshold.

Even as the door was closing behind her, Remus felt hope. He would see Lily and Harry again. For once in her life, Lily was wrong. She wouldn't die. She couldn't die. And after the crisis with Voldemort was over, they would meet again, and he would fix his problems with James and Sirius. Things would be as they once were. His family would be restored. He had to believe this.

He locked the battered door and headed towards the kitchen. He poured water into a kettle and set it on the stove to boil. He sat on his faded blue sofa and picked up a recent newspaper, resigning himself to waiting until the Potter's were out of hiding.

Two months later, on November first, he opened the Daily Prophet and read the headline, "You-Know-Who Dead after attack on Godric's Hollow," and then the first sentences of the article, "Harry Potter survives the killing curse. James and Lily Potter were killed in the attack,"

The day after, he would read about Sirius' betrayal that led to Lily and James' deaths, and the murder of Peter Pettigrew.

He was left alone to mourn. The person whom he relied on, who had been his sister was dead. He tried to be happy, knowing that her wish was granted: Harry survived. Still, there was emptiness in his heart where Lily, James, Peter and even Sirius had filled it with joy.


	2. Chapter 2

Disclaimer: See first chapter

A/N: As I mentioned in the first chapter of the story, after this I will be working on a multi-chapter story of indefinite length. I already have an outline for it and the first few chapters. Technically, it can tie into this Moonlight Universe. I'll be adding a summary to my author's page if you want any details.

This is AU as of Deathly Hallows. This is still my story, so my ideas for the HP world still apply.

The Partings

The weeks following the heartbreak of Halloween passed in a blur; the first day was spent in numb silence and disbelief, the second in angry denial. Remus found himself looking to the door, hoping Lily would come bursting in like she had that summer day. She never came.

The next days were spent in denial. Now Peter was dead as well. Dead by Sirius's hands. In retrospect, Remus thought he should have seen it. Why couldn't he tell Sirius was the spy? Sirius was the one who had shunted the suspicion towards Remus. Perhaps it was so no one would sense his treachery. Lily told his she didn't trust their secret keeper. Sirius was the only person James seemed to trust. Following that path of logic, Sirius had to been their secret keeper, and he had given their whereabouts to Voldemort.

Sirius was the traitor. Peter was dead. James was dead. Lily was dead. Harry was alive, but Merlin knows where!

And Remus was alive. Alone.

In his isolation, he had often felt alone, but never to this extent. At least he had known they were alive. At least he had lived in ignorance of their futures.

On a rainy November morning, Remus walked into the graveyard with Peter's mother and grandmother. No one else showed up. When he rose to speak over the casket filled with the sparse remains of Peter, he couldn't think. He mumbled a quick, "he was a good friend," before he hastily left the service. Outside, he paused and let the tears fall. There was so much he could have said about Peter. There was so much he should have done to be a better friend. How often had he helped Peter with homework as a means to silence his endless jabbering about James and Sirius? Many. How often had he offered help as a friend?

Nothing could change it, though. No matter how many regrets, no matter how many tears, Remus knew he couldn't change Peter's past. None of them had deserved Peter. They had all taken advantage of him, yet, in the end, he showed why he was also a marauder.

Remus isolated himself further, though it seemed nearly impossible. He refused to open letters of consolation from people who knew his connections to the Potter's and Peter. The only time he nearly left his solitude was after the notice about Alice and Frank's attack by Bellatrix Lestrange. They were in St. Mungo's. Insane. He thought about visiting them, but what good could he do? He wasn't close to them like Lily had been. He respected them, but he didn't know them. He and Alice both thought of Lily as their sister, but, aside from that and their ages and house at Hogwarts, he couldn't claim any real connection.

Three weeks after that awful Halloween, Remus was informed of the memorial service for James and Lily Potter. He scoffed at the paper. He was happy You-Know-Who was dead. He was happy Harry was alive. He was stunned that no one else seemed to notice the cost.

A young couple dead.

It took the rest of the Wizarding World _three whole weeks_ to realize this.

No matter how much he wanted to bury his head in his pillow and forget the past month, he owed it to Lily to attend. He owed it to himself to get the closure he needed. He wouldn't fail her and James like he had failed Peter.

November 24 was a disgustingly sunny day. It was the kind of day that Lily loved. At Hogwarts, she would have run into the boys' dormitory and dragged him outside to sit by the lake. They would have spent the day reading or doing homework, watching the sun's rays reflect off the lake's surface. Once the sun set, or if it got too cold, or if James and Sirius dragged them inside, they would have snuck into the kitchens for hot chocolate.

Never again. His sister was dead.

Remus wore his best robes to the funeral. Amongst the crowd Remus felt out of place. There was no one whose shoulder he could cry on. No friends he could rant to about the unfairness of death. He settled for a place in the back of the hall.

He wasn't shocked that so many people were there. So many were curious about the parents of the Boy-Who-Lived. What was with the Wizarding World and creating hyphenated titles for everyone?

Fortunately, not everyone was a gawker. Remus saw Professors Flitwick and McGonagall mourning two of their favorite students. Lily and James had found places in the hearts of their best subjects' teachers.

Remus was grateful that the two caskets were barely visible from his seat. They were closed, but, no matter how hard he pretended, he knew that his friends were inside them.

Severus Snape was also in the back of the hall, several seats away from Remus. Remus could have sworn he saw tears coming down the pale man's cheeks.

Like the weeks before, the funeral was a blur. Suddenly everyone was forming a line past the caskets to say good-bye before they were to be taken and lowered into the ground.

Due to his lycanthropy, Remus's sensitive hearing enabled him to hear parts of what people were saying. Strangely, most were talking to James.

"James, you were one of the best aurors I worked beside."

"I'll miss watching you make fun of Moody, Potter."

"I remember how excited you were when you told us about your son, Potter. I reckon you're proud of him right now,"

But, then again, Lily had always been the more shy. She made friends just as easily when she chose to. Those who knew her, loved her. Those who knew her knew more than just what they observed.

"No one can ever replace you, Lily. You were the perfect worker. You had the talent for finding solutions in the obvious, and you could always help someone find their own strengths. How many spells that can save lives won't be invented because you're gone? How many charms could you have created?" A man in a dark cloak, hood raised, asked her.

Eventually the confessions to the dead became gossip amongst the living.

"Such a shame that they died so young."

"Their poor son, I wonder who he's living with?"

"Did you know remember how they always fought back at Hogwarts?"

Still, the line continued until there were only two people left: Snape and Remus. Out of respect for the other man's privacy, Remus took a step back.

"…the only person who showed me kindness. I am so sorry," Snape murmured, "You never deserved her, Potter."

And now it was just Remus facing the two white caskets draped in flowers. The hall that the funeral had been held in was now vacant. The rows of pews empty. Sunlight streamed through stained glass windows into the room, but still the caskets were untouched by the colored light.

His easier, but still painful farewell came first.

"I know you didn't trust me at the end, James, but you were always one of my best friends. You accepted me when I was afraid no one would. You risked so much for me. You were so brave and happy. I keep looking around thinking you'll be bursting through the door telling me it was all a joke. I keep thinking this is a bad dream I'll wake up from. I was always afraid that my friends would leave me, and now I'm alone. If you were here, you'd probably smack me over the head and tell me to get over myself. I don't think that's possible now. I know you would do anything for your family, so I know you died protecting them. I wish there was something I could have done. After all the trouble you went through getting Lily to see you, you didn't deserve to have your happiness destroyed. You didn't deserve death."

Chest heaving, Remus blinked away tears. It was hard to imagine a world without James Potter's laughter and broad grin. He turned towards Lily's coffin.

"Nothing will be the same without you, Lily. You never gave up on me, never. I can't begin to think of what I'll miss the most. I would give anything to have you back, even you hitting me over the head for calling you short. You are- you were- unique Lily. A mix of gentleness and fury. You always stood up for what you thought was right, even when you stood alone. You've always been there for me, I can't imagine how I'll manage without you. I keep replaying our last meeting in my head. You knew, didn't you? Or you suspected what would happen. But I know you're at peace now. Harry's alive, and I know that's what you wanted most. You were a mother first. I'll keep my promise and look after him if I can. I won't fail you, sister."

Eyes watered with tears, Remus backed away from the coffin. It was too much. Life without Lily was practically no life. She had believed in him, and raised him up when he couldn't trust himself. A group of wizards walked past him, levitating the twin coffins and leading them to the graveyard where the crowd had gathered again. Remus followed sedately in their steps and watched the last traces of his friends disappear into the ground. A headstone was all that was left to commemorate their lives. Dirt fell upon the coffins and Remus looked away.

Alone once everyone had left, Remus knelt by the grave. The graveyard suited the couple. Nearby was a tree with leaves turning red and orange hues with the autumn. It was the sort of tree he and Lily would have sat under while reading in the afternoon. A leaf blew in the gentle breeze to his hands.

He turned it over in his hands before tucking it into his pocket and walking towards the road by the graveyard. Tomorrow he would start learning how to live with the loss.

Hands in his pocket, he felt the leaf again. It was the same color as Lily's hair. He drew it back out and left the graveyard behind him. Another gust of wind came at him and stole the leaf from his hands. Remus turned around desperate to catch it and hold on to that reminder of his sister, but the leaf danced on the wind onto the ground, where it joined the growing collection of fallen leaves.

Resigned, he let it lie there. He couldn't keep that token. Lily would have called him foolish for mourning the loss of a leaf, but she would have understood.

He disapparated home as another breeze whipped around the cemetery. His rundown apartment was just as he left it, in dismal condition. He took off his outer robe and draped it over the ratty chair.

When he sat down to read the newspaper, Remus felt something odd as his back met the robe. Confused he reached into the pocket and drew out not one, but seven leaves the shade of Lily's hair. Holding them with reverence, Remus would swear that he could hear Lily's joyous laughter.


End file.
